In keeping with the spirit of peace on earth and goodwill toward men - and women - I offer this not original but possibly helpful guide to understanding the sometimes perplexing animal known as the MAN.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married (this could be the subject of a very large book!) is that married women always cut their hair and by then you’re stuck with her.
Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is emotional blackmail.
Ask for what you want. (This is especially important during the Christmas Season.) Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good with your dress?
Yes" and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy, empathy, understanding, etc., is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument or a “vigorous exchange of views”. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Men see only in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a vegetable, not a color. We have no idea what taupe is.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take a quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know that I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that? Its like camping.