Mathematician: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and by induction we have that all the odd integers are prime.
Physicist: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an experimental error…
Engineer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime…
Chemist: 1 prime, 3 prime, 5 prime… hey, let’s publish!
Modern physicist using renormalization: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is … 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is … 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime, 21 is … 21/3 is prime..
Quantum Physicist: All numbers are equally prime and non-prime until observed.
Professor: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
Confused Undergraduate: Let p be any prime number larger than 2. Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd. QED
Measure nontheorist: There are exactly as many odd numbers as primes (Euclid, Cantor), and exactly one even prime (namely 2), so there must be exactly one odd nonprime (namely 1).
Cosmologist: 1 is prime, yes it is true…
Computer Scientist: 1 is prime, 10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime…
Programmer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be fixed in the next release, …
C programmer: 01 is prime, 03 is prime, 05 is prime, 07 is prime, 09 is really 011 which everyone knows is prime, …
BASIC programmer: What’s a prime?
COBOL programmer: What’s an odd number?
Windows programmer: 1 is prime. Wait…
Mac programmer: Now why would anyone want to know about that? That’s not user friendly. You don’t worry about it, we’ll take care of it for you.
Bill Gates: 1. No one will ever need any more than 1.
Steve Ballmer: dancing_and_sweating prime numbers, prime numbers, prime numbers … I love this company!
ZX-81 Computer Programmer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, Out of Memory.
Pentium owner: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 8.9999978 is prime…
GNU programmer:
% prime
usage: prime [-nV] [--quiet] [--silent] [--version] [-e script] --catenate --concatenate | c --create | d --diff --compare | r --append | t --list | u --update | x -extract --get [ --atime-preserve ] [ -b, --block-size N ] [ -B, --read-full-blocks ] [ -C, --directory DIR ] [--checkpoint ] [ -f, --file [HOSTNAME:]F ] [ --force-local ] [ -F, --info-script F --new-volume-script F ] [-G, --incremental ] [ -g, --listed-incremental F ] [ -h, --dereference ] [ -i, --ignore-zeros ] [ --ignore-failed-read ] [ -k, --keep-old-files ] [ -K, --starting-file F ] [ -l, --one-file-system ] [ -L, --tape-length N ] [ -m, --modification-time ] [ -M, --multi-volume ] [ -N, --after-date DATE, --newer DATE ] [ -o, --old-archive, --portability ] [ -O, --to-stdout ] [ -p, --same-permissions, --preserve-permissions ] [ -P, --absolute-paths ] [ --preserve ] [ -R, --record-number ] [ [-f script-file] [--expression=script] [--file=script-file] [file...]
prime: you must specify exactly one of the r, c, t, x, or d options
For more information, type "prime --help''Unix programmer:
1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, ...
Segmentation fault, Core dumped.Computer programmer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is … Oops, let’s try that again: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is … 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is … 1 is … Um, right. Okay, how about this: 1 is prime, 3 is not prime, 5 is not prime, 7 is not prime, 9 is not prime… So much for the beta releases. Ship this: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a feature, 11 is prime… and put on the cover: “More prime numbers than anyone else in the industry!” Coming soon: 1 is prime, 3 is a prime, 4 is a feature, 5 is a prime, 6 is a feature, 7 is a prime, 8 is not yet implemented, 9 is our backwards compatibility module, …
Computational linguist: 1 is an odd prime, 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime, …
Software tech support operator: Well, we haven’t had any reports of composite odd numbers… do you have the latest version of ZFC?
Web Designer (1): <prime value="1">, <prime value="3">, <prime value="5">,…
Web Designer (2): <prime>1</prime>, <prime>3</prime>, <prime>5</prime>, …
Logician:
Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime
Proof: If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true. The proof exists; you’re reading it now. From 1 and 2 follows that all odd numbers are prime.
Linguist: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 aaah. I can make 9 a prime.
Philosopher (1): Why don’t we just call all the odd numbers prime and call all the prime numbers odd, that way all the odd numbers would be prime.
Philosopher (2): 1 is prime. Hum, that’s an interesting statement, I’ll get one of my research students to look into that.
Economist (1): Assume 9 is prime …
Economist (2): 2 is a prime, 4 is a prime.
Economist (3): 2 is even, 4 is even, 6 is even …
Economist (4): 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. Look, the prime rate is dropping.
Statistician: 100% of the sample 5, 13, 37, 41 and 53 is prime, so all odd numbers must be prime.
Mechanical Statistician: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an outlier, 11 is prime, 13 is prime …
English major: What’s a prime number?
Politician (1): What’s a number?
Politician (2): It depends on what the meaning of is is.
Philosophy major: What is?
Athletic scholarship: What!?
Mid-level manager: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is… Who can I delegate this to?
Manager (2): What?
Lawyer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, although there appears to be prima facie evidence that 9 is not prime, there exists substantial precedent to indicate that nine should be considered prime. The following brief presents the case for nine’s primeness …
Salesman: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and with 9 you get five excellent primes for the price of three!
Anthropologist: Prime or not, every number is unique. Take 9 for example …
Liberal: The fact that nine is not prime indicates a deprived cultural environment which can only be remedied by a federally funded cultural enrichment program.
New Yorker: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is … NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!
rec.humor poster: 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime
Bush (Senior): What’s nine got against being prime? I’ll bet it won’t allow the pledge of allegiance to be said in our schools either.
George W. Bush (Junior): All prime numbers are terrorists.
George W. Bush (Junior): All prime numbers must be liberated, let’s bomb them.
Nixon: Put nine on the enemies list. I’m gonna get that number.
John F. Kennedy: I am a prime number!
Microsoft (1): Our revolutionary new product Prime05™ will be the only prime number you will erver need.
Microsoft (2): Prime07™ is even more prime.
Romanticist: There’s no prime like 9.
Optimist: Half the numbers are prime, the odd ones.
Pessimist: Half the numbers are not prime, the even ones.
SCO: All primes are our intellectual property. You can buy a licence for $699.
Richard Stallman (RMS): Primes want to be free!
Women’s libber (1): All prime numbers are even because the odd ones are male.
Women’s libber (2): 1 is she-prime, 3 is she-prime, 5 is she-prime, 7 is she-prime, …
Student: 1, 3, 5, 7 … you wanna fries with that?
Hollywood (1): “Prime 9 - The Return” in a cinema near you!
Hollywood (2): “Prime Wars - Attack of the Primes” best movie of the year!
Republican: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is communist, …
Star Trek: Even Numbers, where no primes have gone before.
Jedi Knight: sways_hand 9 is not the prime you are looking for!
Yoda: prime 1 is, prime 3 is, prime 5 is, prime 7 is, a disturbance of the force 9 is, …
X-Files: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 … must be an alien conspiracy …
Matrix (1): Take the the blue pill and wake up. Take the red pill any I’ll show you what the prime numbers are.
Matrix (2): Unfortunately, no one can be told what prime numbers are, you have to see them for yourself.