mario::konrad
programming / C++ / sailing / nerd stuff
Prime Numbers are Odd
© / Mario Konrad

Mathematician: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and by induction we have that all the odd integers are prime.

Physicist: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an experimental error...

Engineer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime...

Chemist: 1 prime, 3 prime, 5 prime... hey, let's publish!

Modern physicist using renormalization: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is ... 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime, 21 is ... 21/3 is prime..

Quantum Physicist: All numbers are equally prime and non-prime until observed.

Professor: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.

Confused Undergraduate: Let p be any prime number larger than 2. Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd. QED

Measure nontheorist: There are exactly as many odd numbers as primes (Euclid, Cantor), and exactly one even prime (namely 2), so there must be exactly one odd nonprime (namely 1).

Cosmologist: 1 is prime, yes it is true...

Computer Scientist: 1 is prime, 10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime...

Programmer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be fixed in the next release, ...

C programmer: 01 is prime, 03 is prime, 05 is prime, 07 is prime, 09 is really 011 which everyone knows is prime, ...

BASIC programmer: What's a prime?

COBOL programmer: What's an odd number?

Windows programmer: 1 is prime. Wait...

Mac programmer: Now why would anyone want to know about that? That's not user friendly. You don't worry about it, we'll take care of it for you.

Bill Gates: 1. No one will ever need any more than 1.

Steve Ballmer: dancing_and_sweating prime numbers, prime numbers, prime numbers ... I love this company!

ZX-81 Computer Programmer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, Out of Memory.

Pentium owner: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 8.9999978 is prime...

GNU programmer:

% prime
usage: prime [-nV] [--quiet] [--silent] [--version] [-e script] --catenate --concatenate | c --create | d --diff --compare | r --append | t --list | u --update | x -extract --get [ --atime-preserve ] [ -b, --block-size N ] [ -B, --read-full-blocks ] [ -C, --directory DIR ] [--checkpoint ] [ -f, --file [HOSTNAME:]F ] [ --force-local ] [ -F, --info-script F --new-volume-script F ] [-G, --incremental ] [ -g, --listed-incremental F ] [ -h, --dereference ] [ -i, --ignore-zeros ] [ --ignore-failed-read ] [ -k, --keep-old-files ] [ -K, --starting-file F ] [ -l, --one-file-system ] [ -L, --tape-length N ] [ -m, --modification-time ] [ -M, --multi-volume ] [ -N, --after-date DATE, --newer DATE ] [ -o, --old-archive, --portability ] [ -O, --to-stdout ] [ -p, --same-permissions, --preserve-permissions ] [ -P, --absolute-paths ] [ --preserve ] [ -R, --record-number ] [ [-f script-file] [--expression=script] [--file=script-file] [file...]
prime: you must specify exactly one of the r, c, t, x, or d options
For more information, type "prime --help''

Unix programmer:

1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, ...
Segmentation fault, Core dumped.

Computer programmer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is ... Oops, let's try that again: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 1 is ... Um, right. Okay, how about this: 1 is prime, 3 is not prime, 5 is not prime, 7 is not prime, 9 is not prime... So much for the beta releases. Ship this: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a feature, 11 is prime... and put on the cover: "More prime numbers than anyone else in the industry!" Coming soon: 1 is prime, 3 is a prime, 4 is a feature, 5 is a prime, 6 is a feature, 7 is a prime, 8 is not yet implemented, 9 is our backwards compatibility module, ...

Computational linguist: 1 is an odd prime, 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime, ...

Software tech support operator: Well, we haven't had any reports of composite odd numbers... do you have the latest version of ZFC?

Web Designer (1): <prime value="1">, <prime value="3">, <prime value="5">,...

Web Designer (2): <prime>1</prime>, <prime>3</prime>, <prime>5</prime>, ...

Logician:

Linguist: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 aaah. I can make 9 a prime.

Philosopher (1): Why don't we just call all the odd numbers prime and call all the prime numbers odd, that way all the odd numbers would be prime.

Philosopher (2): 1 is prime. Hum, that's an interesting statement, I'll get one of my research students to look into that.

Economist (1): Assume 9 is prime ...

Economist (2): 2 is a prime, 4 is a prime.

Economist (3): 2 is even, 4 is even, 6 is even ...

Economist (4): 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. Look, the prime rate is dropping.

Statistician: 100% of the sample 5, 13, 37, 41 and 53 is prime, so all odd numbers must be prime.

Mechanical Statistician: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an outlier, 11 is prime, 13 is prime ...

English major: What's a prime number?

Politician (1): What's a number?

Politician (2): It depends on what the meaning of is is.

Philosophy major: What is?

Athletic scholarship: What!?

Mid-level manager: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... Who can I delegate this to?

Manager (2): What?

Lawyer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, although there appears to be prima facie evidence that 9 is not prime, there exists substantial precedent to indicate that nine should be considered prime. The following brief presents the case for nine's primeness ...

Salesman: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and with 9 you get five excellent primes for the price of three!

Anthropologist: Prime or not, every number is unique. Take 9 for example ...

Liberal: The fact that nine is not prime indicates a deprived cultural environment which can only be remedied by a federally funded cultural enrichment program.

New Yorker: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

rec.humor poster: 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime

Bush (Senior): What's nine got against being prime? I'll bet it won't allow the pledge of allegiance to be said in our schools either.

George W. Bush (Junior): All prime numbers are terrorists.

George W. Bush (Junior): All prime numbers must be liberated, let's bomb them.

Nixon: Put nine on the enemies list. I'm gonna get that number.

John F. Kennedy: I am a prime number!

Microsoft (1): Our revolutionary new product Prime05™ will be the only prime number you will erver need.

Microsoft (2): Prime07™ is even more prime.

Romanticist: There's no prime like 9.

Optimist: Half the numbers are prime, the odd ones.

Pessimist: Half the numbers are not prime, the even ones.

SCO: All primes are our intellectual property. You can buy a licence for $699.

Richard Stallman (RMS): Primes want to be free!

Women's libber (1): All prime numbers are even because the odd ones are male.

Women's libber (2): 1 is she-prime, 3 is she-prime, 5 is she-prime, 7 is she-prime, ...

Student: 1, 3, 5, 7 ... you wanna fries with that?

Hollywood (1): "Prime 9 - The Return" in a cinema near you!

Hollywood (2): "Prime Wars - Attack of the Primes" best movie of the year!

Republican: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is communist, ...

Star Trek: Even Numbers, where no primes have gone before.

Jedi Knight: sways_hand 9 is not the prime you are looking for!

Yoda: prime 1 is, prime 3 is, prime 5 is, prime 7 is, a disturbance of the force 9 is, ...

X-Files: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 ... must be an alien conspiracy ...

Matrix (1): Take the the blue pill and wake up. Take the red pill any I'll show you what the prime numbers are.

Matrix (2): Unfortunately, no one can be told what prime numbers are, you have to see them for yourself.