mario::konrad
programming / C++ / sailing / nerd stuff
Lawyer Jokes
© / Mario Konrad

Q: What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Good morning, Your Honor.


Q: How do you tell if a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.


Q: Why do they bury lawyers 100 feet into the ground?

A: Because down deep, they're good people.


Q: What's the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?

A: Wing tips


Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A doberman.


Q: If you are stranded in an elevator with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer... twice.


Q: How do you keep a lawyer from drowning?

A: Take your foot off his head.


Q: How is a lawyer like a whore?

A: For the right money, either one will assume any position.


Q: Why do lawyers wear such tight collars?

A: So the foreskin doesn't show.


Q: What do you give a lawyer before he goes swimming?

A: An anchor.


Q: What do you call 10,000 lawyers on the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start.


Q: What is the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road.

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.


Q: What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

A: The rooster clucks defiance.


Q: Why should you avoid running over a bicycle-riding lawyer?

A: It might be your bicycle.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One's a scum-sucking bottom-dweller, and the other is a fish.


Q: What happens when you give a lawyer viagra?

A: He gets taller.


Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?

A: 1 in a million turns out to be a human being.


Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

A: Cut the rope


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a box full of shit.

A: The box.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?

A: A bucket.


After all, just 90% of lawyers make the other 10% look bad...


Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?

A: Two - the rest are all true stories.


A lawyer wrote a will for an elderly lady. She asked the price and he said, "One hundred dollars, please." She gave him a crisp new $100 bill without noticing that a second $100 bill was stuck to it. Immediately, the lawyer faced an ethical dilemma: "Do I have to report this on my taxes?"


Q: What do you have when you have 2 lawyers buried up to their necks in cement?

A: Not enough cement.