mario::konrad
programming / C++ / sailing / nerd stuff
Bill Gates is dead
© / Mario Konrad

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St.Peter.

"Well Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer into almost every home in America. Yet, you also created that GHASTLY Windows95. In your case, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to spend eternity, which will it be Heaven or Hell?"

Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"

St.Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

"Fine, But where should I go first?"

"I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful clean, sandy beach with clear, cool water and lots of bikini-clad women running around playing in the surf, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told St.Peter. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"

"Fine," said St.Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick moment and rendered his decision.

"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell." he told St.Peter.

"Fine," retorted St.Peter, "as you desire."

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St.Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being unspeakably burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!??!

"Oh, that was a DEMO." replied St. Peter.